there is no app for this

Man oh man how life has changed since I last had access to the internet. A lot has happened in the past four weeks and I am different, and for those of you that know me, I think you will agree after reading this post.

A few weeks ago, I went with half of my group to visit an eco farm to learn about sustainable ways of farming in Suriname. It was really interesting and the guy that showed us around his house was inspiring. Whether or not farming becomes a part of my daily routine once I am at site remains to be seen, but I like the thought of having a garden and growing my own food.

I ate a chicken foot. I was fine and really brave until I had to hold its hand. It was really tough and I thought maybe you just suck on it or stir it in soup or something. I thought that until I saw a girl at my homestay site put one away like it was a Snickers bar.

I moved to homestay and in with my host family on May 29. After meeting my host mom, Wendy, and going to the market to buy vegetables and eggs (which I dropped before we got back on the bus) I soon left for her village. After about a two hour bus ride my friend and fellow trainee, Jonathan, and I arrived and were greeted by about fifteen smiling, dark faces. One little boy took my hand and rubbed my white skin as he counted the freckles on my arm and led me to my house. I was overwhelmed and could not hold back my smile at that point.

After dinner and showing me where my latrine and wash house were, Wendy helped me hang my hammock and mosquito net in my house. I was in bed that night and covered in bug bites by about 7:30.  I wrote in my journal that night, "Life changes all the time. My life changed when I came to Suriname, but today my life became more different than anything I have ever experienced or could imagine."

After my first night at homestay, I decided I was going to be fine if I still felt somewhat rested after sleeping in a hammock in ninety degree heat, tossing and turning, and managing to keep my mosquito net off the ground.

My week at homestay consisted of learning how to wash dishes, clothes, and my body in the river. I watched my host mom clean and cut up the chicken that became my lunch one day in that same river. I slept in a 6'x 10' house with a thatch roof and fell asleep watching lizards crawl above my head. Jonathan and I walked back from a neighboring village and visiting fellow trainees one day in the pouring rain. I had a child throw poop on my porch, thought I had fleas, and ate a canned sardine sandwich for breakfast all in the same day.

I looked out at the landscape one day at the river. I could not believe that I was standing in a river in the Amazon looking at the jungle. I looked up at the sky one night waiting on my bath bucket to fill up. The sky looks the same, but the landscape beneath it is drastically different! I could not believe in that moment that Mississippi was only a two hour time difference away.

I celebrated one month of being in Suriname while I was at homestay. I remember dreaming about what life would be like once I was in Suriname, and while I cannot remember all of those dreams, I do know that something inside of me changed when I accepted that invitation to serve in the Peace Corps. That night as I celebrated my one month accomplishment, I sat in my house writing in my journal with a sunburn and the dirtiest hair and fingernails I have ever had, while ants crawled on my feet and lizards fought on my roof. I realized in that moment that all those folks that said, "You're brave, I could never do what you are going to do," were right. I never considered myself brave, but I definitely know folks that could not handle all that I have dealt with in the past weeks. I am tough and getting tougher. I know this now.

The day we left homestay our whole group had a safety and security lesson at the river. We had to jump out of a boat with our life vests on and swim about 100 yards to the shore. I think we had a little bit too much fun doing this, considering their are piranhas and anacondas in the river. Have a mentioned that I love my group? We are awesome.

I had a language proficiency exam when I returned from homestay. I scored intermediate low, which was the highest anyone scored. I was pretty proud of myself.

I left June 8 to visit a volunteer in the Interior. I will never forget my first boat ride on the Suriname river.  June 11 I went to visit my new home in Suriname. I stayed there for a few days with the volunteer that I am replacing. I was so excited to see my new house and visit with folks in the village.

My second day there a few women from my side of the village helped me wash my house. Literally. We scrubbed my house with water and brushes. I held back tears as I looked at this picture of what my life is now. These are the women that are going to love me for the next two years. I bought them cokes and cookies when we were finished and we sat and talked for a bit. They talked, I tried to figure out what they were saying. After washing off I sat down on the porch to rest for a minute, and that's when I saw it. The first tarantula I have ever seen not in a zoo or pet store. I looked at it and laughed for about five minutes, probably to hold back tears. It was the size of my hand.

Later that night I could not hold back the tears anymore. I cried for the first time in Suriname. It was a good cry though. I was overwhelmed, but in a great way. The reality of my decision and my life now hit hard that day.

I have learned so much in the past few weeks about life in Suriname and about myself. There have been times that I have felt ridiculously overwhelmed, but even then I felt even more ridiculously fortunate. I am so excited to see where my Peace Corps journey goes from here.

My life is unreal right now and I am changing for the better. I catch myself multiple times every single day in a wow-this-is-my-life-moment. The roads I take to visit my friends in the Interior are paths through the jungle. Some kids are afraid of me because of the color of my skin. My moisturizer now consists of bug lotion, sunscreen, and humidity. I accept the fact that my clothes are not going to smell very good for the next two years, and that at any given moment there are at least three bugs crawling on me. There was a spider on my ceiling when I took a nap the other day and I didn't bother to kill it. Six months ago I could not have slept knowing it was there. A couple of days ago I held a beetle the size of a baseball.

It was not love at first sight, but I am growing to love it more and more each day.  My life is something out of a book or movie. Fitting, since this is my version of a fairytale. It is not easy for people I love to not witness every ounce of my life, especially here and now. Life is good and so very sweaty.

That's all I have time to write for now. I leave next Wednesday to go spend one last week with my host family. I should have internet for the few days after that until I move to my site for good. Thank you for being interested in my life and thank you even more for the prayers and loving support. I have received mail every single time they have delivered it to us. I am loved and some of my fellow trainees probably think I am spoiled. I'm ok with it. I have extraordinary people in my life. I cannot say thanks enough, or begin to express how grateful I am for all of the love and encouragement. You people rock.