Little Life

I have obviously been living most of my social life through Facebook for the past nineteen months, so thanks to that (and that fact that people share the majority of their lives on social media) I'm pretty up-to-date on who's married, engaged, or pregnant. And so, I would like to take this opportunity to share that I, too, have a little life inside of me. His name is Giardia and I found out about him yesterday. I have to say I was a little surprised, but not shocked. I returned on Sunday from a trip way up river, literally so far up river, and while on the trip we had to drink filtered river water. It was filtered, but that water is nasty, y'all.

I'm not alone in my news. There are quite a few other PCVs with the same situation. We'll get through it with help from Doc and metronidazole. Here's a picture of my little guy. I think he's smiling at me.

In case you didn't get the joke, although I'm sure the picture helped, giardia is a parasite. I have one. I guess parasites come with the territory, but they definitely are not in my job description. Ugh. I'll survive. Peace Corps is always an adventure, that's for sure. 

I am going back to site on Friday or Saturday. I want to feel better before I make the trip. I am ready to get back and hug those crazy people I live with. I miss them, and it's been a long time since I've slept in my bed. I promise to write more about that trip way up river in the coming weeks. It was a doozy to say the least. 

True Love

I do not know where to begin. The past four weeks have been such a whirlwind of hugs, love, and fun. I cannot believe the number of people who have been keeping up with my life and adventures, and who were waiting and ready to see me in my short visit home. I am overwhelmed once again by the support and love I've received from folks I love and that love me back. Thank you so much.

While I was home, I was able to see just about everyone I wanted to see even if only for a minute. I flew in on October 18th. October 20th was Southern Miss Homecoming, and while our football team is not even worth mentioning this year, the party that awaited me in Hattiesburg well worth talking about. Taylor (along with help from Hayley and Hannah) organized a night of Mexican food and fellowship at one of our favorite places. I was prepared to hang out with a few friends for the night. I was shocked when I walked into a room FULL of people. I kept turning to find folks stuffed in every corner of the room. It was packed. I cried and cried. I was shaking as friends literally formed a line to hug me. What a night. To all of you that were there that night, I cannot say thank you enough. Seriously. My life is better because of y'all.

The next day was fun-filled with college football and tailgating. It was so good to sit with friends and catch up a little bit more over the delicious fares of a tailgate in the South, like dips. I love dips. Mmmmmm.

The next week brought dinner with Audrey and dinner with Melanie. Momma had surgery to remove some kidney stones, and I spent a couple of days hanging out with her while she recuperated. I met Russ and Anna for lunch and finally hugged those precious kids of theirs. I of course instantly loved them, so I went to Tupelo to trick-or-treat with the cutest ladybug and bumblebee ever. I spent a weekend with Taylor in New Orleans. We jammed out to Jazz with cold brews in hand. We cheered the Saints on to victory, we ate delicious food, and took in the sounds of the Quarter. After NOLA, I spent another weekend in Hattiesburg and spent quality time with Andy. I had dinner with Sarah Catherine and discussed some details of her upcoming nuptials. She and I are both looking forward to July! Lunch with Bethany and Paula was wonderful, and I am so glad I was able to see Molly, Hannah, and Hayley again.

I spent Saturday night with family and went to church on Sunday morning. We had Thanksgiving early at my grandmother's house with all the trimmings. Last night Kathryn, Kenny, Josh, and I had a Mexican dinner and shared some laughs. I cannot believe my American vacation is coming to an end.

As I soak in the last moments of being in America and think about being away for another seven months, I am so thankful that I was able to make the trip home for a little while, and so thankful that I was able to see so many wonderful people. Momma, Daddy, Andy, Catherine, Grandmothers, Aunts, and Uncles, it was so good to hug you all and catch up. Friends, thank you for being the best friends I could ask for.

I did not intend to come home during my Peace Corps service. I thought I would be traveling around South America. I quickly found out that it was not easy to travel around South America from  Suriname. There aren't a lot of flights and it's expensive. It was this time last year that I told my mom I wanted to make a trip home. I had the vacation days, so why not? Looking back I absolutely think I could have made it two years in Suriname without coming home, but after the last few weeks, why would I have ever wanted to do that? It has been such a great trip.

Since I've been in America, I have of course been talking about Suriname. People have so many questions and are so intrigued by what I am doing, so naturally it came up a lot. I think the question I was asked most often is, "Would you do it again?" My answer is that I am so thankful to have been given this opportunity. I have learned so much about myself and another part of the world. I have met folks from all over the States and have made new friends. I am better because I seized an opportunity and took a risk. And so, yes I would do it over, but no I do not think I will do it again. I know that I will miss it more when it's permanent and I do not live there anymore, however I am ready to make a home in the States. I was not ready to say that before Peace Corps service. I am thankful for all the last couple of years have given me, and I welcome the challenges and lessons to come in the next seven months, but I am in love. I am in love with America, and I am so excited about the life that awaits me when I return to start a new adventure.

Going back tomorrow isn't going to be easy, but it's not going to be hard either. I made a commitment, and I am going to finish service. I hope that I return to Suriname revived and ready to tackle these last few months and finish this thing strong. I have projects to implement and not a lot of time left to get things done. It's going to be busy. I hope that I continue to learn and grow in these last months, and that I take the chances and initiatives to do so. I am going back with memories of a wonderful trip to America and more encouragement from those who love me more than I deserve.

The jungle is gorgeous. I ride a boat to get to my home in the Amazon. The sounds of howler monkeys in the night and shouting Saamaka women during the day are the soundtrack to the movie of my life at the moment. What an adventure! However, I know that I cannot live the jungle life forever. The nerves and anxiousness of what life back in America will be like are quickly fleeting. They are being replaced by a readiness and excitement to start my adult life back in the States. Like I said, I know when it's over I will miss Suriname. I will miss my jungle village and the people I have grown to love. I will think about how beautiful the jungle is, and I will remember what my neighbors sounded like having a conversation. Looking ahead to the days when I'm sure I'll miss Suriname, I will try to appreciate the opportunities and options around me and know that Suriname is still there, and will be when and if I choose to return. And when I really miss Suriname, I will look around and imagine an Autumn day in Mississippi, when the leaves are ablaze with color and the weather is crisp and cool. I will think of the sounds of a jazz band on Frenchmen in New Orleans and all the soul surrounding it. I will look around America, wherever I am, and know that I am home and that I am so blessed, and oh so very loved. Truly.

A Little Heartache with a Big Ole Side of Thankfulness

In my recent posts I have talked a lot about the rice mill project for my village. I wrote about my excitement for its implementation and the source of income it would be for a couple of workers within the village. This last stay out at site was almost eight weeks long. In that time I was able to do a lot of work with my counterpart and finalize a lot of plans for the project. Everything was set for me to return to the city, meet with my Program Manager, and send the project proposal to D.C. to begin searching for money. I felt really good about the work we had done and I was so pumped to be fulfilling what I see as Peace Corps "work."

A week or so before I was schedule to leave for the city, my little project was squished. The government sent Malobi a rice mill. I watched it being carried up from the river, and cried to my neighbor. My counterpart never told me it was coming. I was so disappointed and upset with the way he handled the situation and the way he did not work with me. My friends and neighbors were upset to see me upset. They did not know that my counterpart had left me out of the loop. I cried more. My neighbors did their best to console me and stop me from crying. I eventually was able to talk to them and tell them that I was not mad the village was given a rice mill. I told them I was upset because so many of them do not understand my role in project work. I told them it was hard to be left out of village news when I left everything and everyone I love in America to move here to work with them. I reminded them that I did those things because of what's inside my heart and not because I am being paid a lot of money. I do not know if they took to heart everything I said or if they believe me, but they saw my tears and saw how hurt I was.

At the end of the day, the situation died down. A group of village leaders met with me and told me how thankful they are that I am here. They apologized countless times and told me that I had every right to be upset. I told them again that I was happy for the village and happy that they had a rice mill, but upset at the way my counterpart handled the situation. They seemed to understand.

I didn't want to write this post. I feel a little bit embarrassed. I know that not everyone back home can understand why I am here helping people that don't understand my role in the community. I know that a lot of folks may question why someone would join the Peace Corps in the first place. I know that when projects like mine get squished it's harder to explain my decisions to those folks, and honestly sometimes to myself.

The past couple of weeks I have been in the city for Mid-Serivice Training and medical checkups. I am all healthy and have had a blast spending time with my group all together. I have had time to step away from village life and really refresh my brain and spirit as to why I choose every single day to be here. I took a minute and put myself into the position of my village. I count my life as extremely blessed, but even so, I often have a really hard time believing that even more good is yet to come. I do not believe that my village had a lack of faith in our project. I do not believe they ever doubted that we would find the money for the mill. I do believe that, like me, they had a hard time looking ahead to the good that was to come. Someone offered them a rice mill, and they had to take it. Who am I to tell them to wait? There was a rice mill sitting in front of them. The only thing I could have offered them on that very same day was a promise that one would eventually come.  When you live the life Saammaka folks live, I don't know how much a promise stacks up to the real deal. I think there are days when we can all understand their choice.

During our SUR 17 reconnect conference we spent time reflecting on this last year of service. We did an exercise in which we stood under different emotions, feelings, and thoughts. During the first round we stood under the feeling in which we can most relate to at this point, and in the second round we stood under the one that was furthest away from how we felt. Round One: I stood under the piece of paper that read, "I can see the impact of my presence here..." I was standing alone, and I think (and after sharing my thoughts with people it's been confirmed) a lot of folks read that as the actual physical impact they are making in their villages and how their villagers view their work. I did not read it that way. I read the statement more personal than that. I stood in that spot because I can see and feel the impact of my presence here every single day in that I am more understanding and patient in the realm of development. If I have a future in development work, I will be better at that job because I have experienced it first hand. I have felt the frustrations and have dealt with the stresses. I understand how to implement projects in my area because I understand the language and local politics. Going forward, I know that Peace Corps and Suriname gave me that perspective. I see the impact of my presence here in that a lot of folks back home read and keep up with my blog and now know about this tiny South American country. I see the impact of my being here in the photographs of my parents hugging my villagers and traveling through the rainforest. Round Two: I stood under the piece of paper that read, "I am ready to go home." I was not alone standing there, and I stood there because I'm just not. When it is my time to go, I will go and I will go willingly. However, that time is not yet and I am thankful for that. As ready as I think I am going to be, I know it will be hard. This experience and the people I live with have changed my life, and although I still struggle to show it all the time, they have made my heart a more welcoming place. I'm not done with this place. This place is not yet done with me. I am comforted by that thought, even on the hard days. I am so thankful for the Peace Corps and for my fellow Volunteers in Suriname and around the globe. I truly, truly believe in the spirit of the Peace Corps and all that it stands for. I know that the world would be a better place and that the world of development would benefit immensely if more people would take twenty-seven months to do what we're doing.

Everyone needs a break though, right? Right. I am coming to the States next Thursday. I am already completely blown away and overwhelmed at all the people who want to see me. I wouldn't be surprised if you could all see my smile from where you're sitting. I am beyond excited. I am ready for fellowship and laughs with great friends and family members. I am ready to come back to Suriname refreshed and ready to tackle my projects coming up. I'm ready to begin finishing this thing out strong. Thanks to everyone for keeping up with my life thus far. Thanks to those of you that pray for me all the time. I feel the love every single day.

Vacation is Over

Last week I was here. Yeah, it was hard to leave. 

My trip to Curacao was everything I needed it to be. Jamie and I stayed at a resort on the beach, and we rarely left. We went into Willemstad twice to walk around and go to Starbucks. Lovely. The majority of my time was spent between lying in my comfy hotel bed and lying in a lounge chair by the pool or on the beach. I worked out at the hotel gym and took a couple of hot baths! Yep, baths. Hot showers are such a treat, but a bath, now that's wonderful. We ate lunch by the pool and ordered room service almost every night. One of the biggest highlights of the entire trip for me was watching Today and Late Night with Jimmy Fallon. We watched the Olympic Opening Ceremony, and I was able to see my boyfriend, Ryan Lochte win the first gold medal of the Games. What a wonderful vacation. 

I know what you're probably thinking. You're thinking that I didn't take much of a vacation. Fifteen months ago I would have agreed with you. I believed that if you were going to invest the time and money to take a trip, you needed to see and do everything you could to experience your destination. Not now. I understand the needs for vacation are different for people and their circumstances. My life is adventurous every single day at this point. I did not need adventure on vacation. It really was such a treat to be in an air conditioned room, to sleep in a comfortable bed, and to watch TV. Oh, and while I was doing all of these things, no one cared. No one was knocking on my door wondering why I shut it and if I was sick. No one was calling my name repeatedly even though I was going to the bathroom and trying to ignore them. When I slept until ten o'clock a.m., I didn't have to have a conversation with anyone about the things I don't have to do and why my life is different because I don't have a husband and kids in the village. Yeah uh huh, it was a vacation. 

I would have loved to stay in Curacao, consuming my calories in the forms of cheeseburgers and margaritas (frozen with salt), but my bank account would not allow it. I also have some work to do here. I will return to life in the jungle with a darker, more even tan. I will take with me the memories of a relaxing and wonderful trip; also, I have been reminded that Jimmy Fallon is still the most precious man ever.  

I wanted to feel refreshed and ready to return to Peace Corps life. Instead, I was spoiled. Maybe that's just the way it's going to be for me. Lots of folks say they look forward to returning after being away, not me, at least not completely. I may not ever feel refreshed and completely jazzed to go back to the jungle after time away. It's hard to make the adjustment. I am thankful all the time for my current situation and my role in the world, but that doesn't mean it's not hard. There are moments of wonderful and moments of wondering how I could be anywhere else, but sometimes it's hard to get to those moments. Regardless, this is where I have been called and this is where I want to be for now. I know I'll miss the experience when it's over.

I am going back to site tomorrow. I am planning to be there for about seven weeks. I, along with my community, have a lot of work to do for our rice mill project. Seven weeks seems like a long time to be out at site after the vacation I've had, but it is time much needed to get a lot of good work done. I will come back to the city in September for Mid-Service training and medical check-ups. I cannot believe I am on the downward slope of my time in Peace Corps. That fact evokes sadness and thankfulness depending on what child I'm hugging or what frustrating community partner I am trying to work with. 


On a different note, I hate that I am going to miss the rest of the Olympics. I really should have planned the whole Peace Corps timeline thing better. Whatever. Go USA. Go World. I love you, Ryan Lochte. 


Oh, and I'm coming to America October 18. Containing my excitement for the next couple of months could be the hardest thing I've had to do so far. Cracker Barrel, I'm coming for you. 

Projects and Changes

I have been in the city for a couple of weeks. The big reason I came in was to get the ball rolling for the rice mill project in my village. The village is excited about the arrival of the rice mill, and I am excited about the potential to generate income in the village. As with any project in most developing areas, things take time. Lots and lots of time. This I know, so I am preparing myself mentally for the upcoming work my villagers and I have to do. Actually, I think that I've been being prepared for this work for the past twelve months. 


Since my last lengthy post, and since my parents came to visit, life in Suriname has been busy. And I am so thankful. In the last two months we held three leadership camps for students, one for boys and two for girls. The curriculums and strategies were the same as the previous camps. It was such a joy to come to know the kids that were able to attend. It is such a neat experience to see them come out of their shells and make new friends from different villages. The students learned so much. I truly believe they are among the generation that is going to move their villages and Suriname forward. I am honored to be a part of an experience that I know changed their lives. I am grateful and humbled because of how much they changed mine. 


After the last Camp GLOW, a fellow volunteer came to visit my site. Jessica is in a Saramaccan site as well, but she lives much closer to the city. I am so glad she came upriver for a couple of days to see where I live. Getting back to site and opening the door to my house is always a crap shoot. I just never know what I'm opening it to find. So far, I have been very lucky. When Jessica and I returned to my house after camp, I had a dead rat in my floor. Fine. I have had to deal with a few dead rats since I moved to site, no big deal. This one was different. Templeton looked as though he had been attacked. There was a stain on my floor a few inches behind the rat and there was hair scattered around it. Not knowing what would attack a rat and leave it, but concerned as to what else might be in my house, I called a neighbor over and asked her what she thought happened. She informed me that everything was fine. The rat died and stuck to my floor. After a couple of days, the maggots probably moved it. It was disgusting. I threw the rat away and scrubbed my floor with bleach. I couldn't get all of the stain removed. Lesson learned. I will no longer leave rat poison out when I am going to be away. It's fine if the rats run around my house while I'm not in it. They're just so darn loud and disturb my sleep when I am home. Sometimes I cannot believe that I can totally believe the things I say and do.  Peace Corps problems. 

In the past couple of weeks I had to say goodbye to lots of the friends I have made since being in Suriname. The SUR 16s have completed their service, and it's their time to go. Giving hugs and saying goodbyes was not the easiest thing, but I am so excited for them and their lives back in America. I am comforted that they finished out their service happy with their experience, and I am so proud of their accomplishments. This is a tough gig, and it takes certain folks to do the job and make it through. I am so happy I was able to share a year of my service with them. 

At the most recent camp, I said goodbye to my closest volunteer neighbor, Shannon. I was fine letting her go. We'll both be in America one day. The hard part was watching her play with a child from her village minutes before she got on that dugout canoe for the last time. I lost it. I could not stop thinking about my kids in Malobi. I cannot imagine hugging them for the last time. If I think about it for more than ten seconds, I cry. I only have one year to go, and then I'll leave too. Sure, maybe I'll come back in ten years, but I'll come back to different people. My kids will not be kids anymore. They'll be teenagers with interests far beyond looking at books in my floor. I know it has to happen, but sometimes I hate it. 

Tomorrow I am going to celebrate the Fourth a couple days late at the Ambassador's house. Monday I am going back to site for just a week. I have to be back in the city for meetings on the 18th and 19th. On the 22nd I am leaving for a week-long, island vacation. I cannot wait. It's going to be great! When I return I am headed back to site until mid-September. I have to say, as hard as it can be most days, I am really looking forward to being at site for a while. I have been busy and away a lot in the last few months. It will be good to get back to village routine. I also have some life skills and HIV/AIDS lessons that I am hoping to get the teachers on board with and implement with the fifth and sixth grade classes. I am excited about upcoming projects and feel really good about where my Peace Corps service is, both for myself and my village. 

We Started a Dance Party in Suriname.

July 1st is a holiday in Suriname to celebrate the abolition of slavery. The day is called Keti Koti. Keti Koti means "cutting the chains." Sunday night a few of the PCVs in the city went downtown to take in the sites and help the locals celebrate. We spent a couple of hours hanging out at a park by the river and soaking up the fun. As the rest of our group decided the night was over for them, five of us stood on the side of a street, by a stage trying to figure out our next move. A crew was breaking down the stage after a band finished their show, and the crowds were moving away. The five of us stood around randomly dancing to the music, talking about where we should go next. As the music got better we started dancing more. The next thing we knew there were school kids standing around watching us. (We really do give the locals so much to talk about). At our encouragement, some of them joined us in our dancing circle.

Fast forward an hour or so and the street around us was packed. I think by the time we left there were close to 300 people dancing and loving their lives. It was so cool. The folks breaking down the stage even started up a fog machine! I could not believe how packed and loud and crazy it became. We started a dance party in another country. It's true.


A guy was taking pictures and told us we could find them on his Facebook page. Take a look.

370.

That's how many days I have been in Suriname. That's how many days it's been since I saw America and most of the people and places I love.

A couple of days ago I celebrated my one year in Suriname with Jamie, McDonald's, and the flu. Yep, she and I both had something awful. After fighting fevers and sleeping the day away, we took a cab to McDonald's. The driver ever so graciously let us order in the drive-thru. My burger wasn't ready with the rest of the order, so we had to park and wait. The driver then asked us what kind of music we liked and changed his cd accordingly. We bought him a coke. This was one of those many moments in the past year in which I have found myself laughing and shaking my head at the situations I find myself in. My life has been nothing short of humorous this past year.

There have been lots of moments when I wondered how I was going to make it to this point. I no longer have to wonder about that. I am here. I cannot believe it's gone by as fast as it has. I feel like I have so much left to do in my Peace Corps service, and now I only have half the time to do it.

It feels good to be at this point. I am proud of myself. I am proud of my group and the friends I have made. I am thankful for my village and the patience they exercise with their white girl. Life is good.

Thank you to most of the misfits in this picture for being my friend, and for the work they do everyday. I am happy we're here to support each other. It's been a good year, SUR 17.