Giving Thanks

The day before Thanksgiving, I was able to video chat with a couple of dear friends in America. It was so good to laugh with them and catch up on each others lives. Needless to say their stories were more "normal" than mine, but I appreciate so much the fact that they still share their lives with me and are interested in what I am doing as well. I miss people, and I need to be kept up-to-date just as much as people want to know what is happening in my life. Friends, I love you.

As I was talking with Mallory, I got upset. Mallory is not shy with her emotions, and neither am I. We both cried as we talked about missing each other and wanting to see each other, but somewhat secretly I was crying for another reason. I was crying because I felt sorry for myself. Yes, it's true. I think we all have those moments from time to time, and as I was talking with my friend in America, I had trouble denying myself a little pity. Mallory lives in Seattle with her husband, Daniel. As she and I were talking she was busy cooking Thanksgiving dinner for friends that they would be entertaining the next day. She gave me a tour of their adorable warehouse apartment close to downtown Seattle. She showed off a new oversized chair she has purchased since I last talked to her, and talked about getting ready to decorate their Christmas tree soon. I could not help wanting to trade places with her. Her life seemed so adorable and perfect. As I thought about my house in the jungle and the creatures that help me inhabit it, I cried. I want to own a couch and sit on it. I want to have pretty candle holders and hang pictures on the wall and entertain my friends for brunch. I want to live in a city and have to actually wear real clothes to a job, and not just real clothes, but cute clothes. Really cute clothes with really cute boots. I want to meet my friends for dinner after work and I want to coordinate plans with them on an iPhone. Talking to Mallory, I was ill with want. I want a lot, I realize that. I also realize that I titled this post "Giving Thanks," and I have yet to do that. So, before I feel too sorry for myself and people stop reading this because I am being so ungrateful, let me explain. 

I do not always feel this way. Being away for the holidays is going to be more of a challenge than I thought. Not only that, but I am about to hit my seven month mark in my service. The new, shiny PCV feeling is wearing off, and I am settling into what is becoming the new norm. Sometimes I envy my friends in America. I envy the lives they are leading and the fact that they can spend their free time on a couch, watching t.v. if they so choose. However, before I get too carried away with envy, I am reminded that their lives are great, but great for them. At this time, I am not meant to be in City X, America wearing cute boots and going to dinners with friends coordinated on an iPhone. I am meant to be in Suriname as a Peace Corps volunteer. I firmly believe that it is ok for me to be honest about the way I am feeling about being away from the comforts I know in America. However, I can be honest without being negative. I must be honest without letting myself be negative, because at the end of each and every day, I live a life that is overflowing with privilege. I may not own a couch, but I do own a machete. I don't get to host brunch for friends, but I get to bake cakes for people in my village. I don't get to live in a city right now, but I get to live in the jungle. I get to live in the jungle so much that I get to be tired of living in the jungle. To say that I am a Peace Corps volunteer is a privilege. It's a privilege that I asked for, and I was privileged to accept when Peace Corps asked me to serve. 

When my sister and I were in high school, we started a silly ritual on Thanksgiving Day. Before we ask blessings on our food, and before anyone at the table can take a bite, everyone has to say what they are thankful for. Sometimes the things we say are silly and sometimes they are earnest and emotional. Since I could not be with my family this year, I have decided that I would share my list, not only with them, but with all of you. Some of the things on my list have always been there, but the fact that the angus burger combo from McDonald's is on there proves that there are lots of things on my list that I never intended to be truly thankful for. 

So, this year I am especially thankful for:

Internet. Skype. Facebook. International calling and cell phone reception in the jungle of Suriname. Body language, charades, and other forms of communicating when there is a language barrier. Food that does not have to be refrigerated. Rat poison. Water filtration. Ice. AIR CONDITIONING. The United States of America and its postal service (especially the flat rate box). Not getting bit by snakes while walking through the jungle alone. Children that do not cry at the site of me. Peace Corps and the people that give of themselves and their energy to spread peace through friendship (especially those that were sent to Suriname). New friends. Hugs. Patience. My education. Opportunities and the courage and confidence to take them. Just plain ole courage. Trust. Growing in big and unexpected ways. Friends of family that write me letters expressing their support and encouragement. The folks of Raleigh UMC and their prayers each and every week. Malobi and its people for protecting me and helping me, and for giving me their patience, their time, and my first place. 

Every year I am especially thankful for:

Laughter. Laughing. Laughter. My family and friends and the love they give so freely to me. I am especially thankful that seven months ago, they decided to let me be away from them for twenty-seven months and love me still. Not only that, but because they make sure that love is felt in South America every single day. My God and my parents for being proud of me simply because I am their child. Grace that never fails even when I seem to make it a habit. The fact that I feel loved no matter when I go. My life. My life is so so good. I am thankful to be reminded of that daily. 

Yesterday Peace Corps staff and volunteers were invited to celebrate Thanksgiving with the U.S. Ambassador to Suriname and his wife. It was so nice to have a big meal and celebrate with other  Americans. Not to mention the fact that it's pretty dang cool that I was able to celebrate at the Ambassador's house with Peace Corps friends. 

Thanksgiving. Please note the plate. I promise it's under the food. 

Erin, Allie, and Jonathan being thankful. 

Thankful. 

Tomorrow I return to site with a full belly and an extremely thankful heart. I will be back in December to welcome Christmas and ring in the New Year with my friends in Suriname. Thank you to everyone that reads my blog and supports my decision to be here. To those of you that love and encouragement me, I promise I am doing my best to spread love and peace through friendship. I give thanks for all of you everyday.